On the 3rd of July, 2015, a pack of eccentric anglers escaped from their cells and wreaked havoc across the Cornish coastline. Thousands of fish were captured across the county and the Prime Minister has expressed his sympathies to the families involved. If you meet any of these anglers, please phone 999 and do not attempt an arrest, especially not on those from up country - they're highly dangerous. Read on for the full story, and be warned, some photo's may be disturbing if you're easily offended...
Reuben and Will travelled together and allegedly assaulted two Grey Mullet in a secret location. The family's have been informed, and sea weed was placed at the burial site by friends.
Reuben used to be a repeat offender until he acquired a female companion, who he was overheard referring to as Species no.51. He has just come out of hiding for the summer season.
Leading psychologist Dr. Phillips said on Friday evening that 'hopelessly unprepared anglers often seek authoritarian, strong leaders to take them to their assault locations. Naturally being unprepared for the blood bath they call a 'festival', Reuben allowed his cruel personal gym trainer to fill him in with his evil scheme and lead the way to most of the victims.'
Reuben was seen again on the scene the next morning barbarically whipping the ocean with a weapon repeatedly. Experts do not understand this behaviour but eye witnesses over heard the words 'casting jig tipped with Isome, on the bottom' as well as 'sink and draw' used by the attacker. The Gurnard is recovering in the Fowey Aquarium where the fish was relocated.
The police were aided in their hunt for the species hunters by lightning on Sunday morning which is the enemy of all those that like to stand in open places holding highly conductive poles for fun. This drove anglers back to their favourite places for a quick nap. They had left the location before police could make an arrest.